I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
