oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
