Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
