So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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