Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
