WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
