Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
