you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk is not a location!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
