I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
