God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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