i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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