dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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