Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
