Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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