Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
