I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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