you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sarcasm needs its own font
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
