dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
