Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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