Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
