dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
