dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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