Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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