You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
