im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
