I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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