Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
