Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
