the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
