Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
