So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
