the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
