rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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