I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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