Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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