The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
