I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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