She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
