uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
