I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
