just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
