he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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