mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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