he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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