Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
