great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
