He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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