My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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