can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
