Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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