So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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